Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
