I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
