youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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