the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
