Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
