so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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