I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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