areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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