she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
