Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
