margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
