Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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