I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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