im holly from the hills drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize