She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we're making bets on your personal life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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