the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
