So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
