but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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