woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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