By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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