I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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