chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize