We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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