Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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