We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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