if only i could text you this smell
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
