Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
