Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
