miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
