Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
