I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
