Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
