What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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