Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize