i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
