i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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