weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
