lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well you can't waste a boner
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
