I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she peed on how many people?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
