I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My ass is underappreciated
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
