i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
