ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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