I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize