Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
