she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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