Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just tell him i said nine months
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
