were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
