She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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