kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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