I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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