Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
