I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
