Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
