just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
