How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
