I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
