I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
