i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
