I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
