shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
