it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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