Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
