maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
