I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had sex on a roof
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
