thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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